Coke Bottles

I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store the other day with Tyler, Maddy and Gabe.  The checker was a woman in her 70s with the thickest glasses I have ever seen.  I know that sounds mean but I am a member of the “four eyes” club as well so I am allowed to make this observation.  In fact I just saw my eye doctor last Saturday and he informed me that my vision was about 10/400 (vs the gold standard of 20/20).  After I removed my contacts for the dreaded “puff of air shot into your bare eyeball test” (there has to be a better way by now!) I felt like I needed a walking stick to find my way back to the exam room.  I digress.  So just as I make the observation of this woman’s Coke bottles I turn to see Tyler staring straight at the checker, his eyes as big as saucers.  My own blind eyes bulge from their sockets and I vigorously shake my head from side to side as I shoot him a look that I hope he registers as “If you utter one single, solitary word about this lady’s eyewear you will be grounded for life!” No dice.  “Mom,” he says refusing to break his gaze from her magnifying lenses that could, if the sun were at the right angle, most likely start a small campfire, “why is this lady’s glasses so big?”  Mortified, I turn my gaze towards hers in slow motion, secretly hoping she’s just as hard of hearing as she is near-sighted.  Her face is a blank slate as she slides my jumbo pack of Pampers across the scanner.  Whether or not she heard him I will never know (and if you are out there kind checker lady, I am so sorry) but I have a feeling I will be making these apologies for several more years!