The other day, in a desperate attempt to pull Tyler away from his computer video games and to tear Maddy away from yet another episode of Scooby Doo, I offered to play make-believe with the kids downstairs in the basement during Gabe’s afternoon nap. These days Gabe (14 months) is ALL OVER. He’s also still in the 95th percentile for height so he seems to reach things that I never had to worry about with the other kids. His tiny fingers can reach dangerously close to the stovetop burners, he pulls sharp objects like the meat shears and the knives from the top of the counter, and he manages to ruin Lego towers and bring Polly Pockets crashing to the ground with a single bound. I spend most of his waking hours tempting him away from the other kids’ toys and pulling all sorts of hazards from his grip (and sometimes his mouth).
We traipsed down to the basement and I plopped on the ground equidistant from Maddy’s life size dollhouse and Tyler’s collection of dump trucks, garbage trucks, diggers and cranes. The kids like to play a game called “Mommy’s sitting closer to me” that usually ends up with hurt feelings, name calling, and me practically getting out a tape measure to assure each child that I am truly in the middle. Maddy pulled the tub of her princess figures close to the dollhouse and I grabbed Snow White and in my sweetest voice said, “Excuse me, Miss, but I’m so tired….do you have a bed in this house I could lay down in?” Maddy’s face lit up as she nodded and helped Snow White to the bedroom on the second floor. Our make believe was interrupted by Tyler, “MA-aaaaam” (When did Mom become a 2 syllable word?!) you’re not playing Bad Guys with me!” I quickly turned towards his makeshift battlefield, grabbed a muscular looking WWF figure and in my deepest voice said, “I am here to beat you up!” as I sent his Green Lantern figure sailing into the back of the garbage truck, making him giggle. “Mommy?” came Madelyn’s squeaky voice. “Cinderella wants to take a bath.”
And so I played with them for the next 10 minutes interchanging between my princess voice and bad guy voice……….and then it hit me. I’m not much of a feminist but what message was I teaching my daughter when only the pretty princesses visited her dollhouse and they had perfect, sweet little voices (thanks to my wonderful acting ability) and their biggest dilemmas were needing a nap or a bath when 2 feet over I was using Tyler’s male figures to wage battles and protect civilization from doom.
So I grabbed Sleeping Beauty and used her head to strike the alien figure from Tyler’s hands. “Don’t do that with my dolly!” Maddy screamed in disapproval and Tyler was too stunned to say anything. In my still-feminine but much tougher voice I told the alien that even though I was a girl, I was tough and would not accept his bad behavior. As the alien came back towards Sleeping Beauty in retaliation and began pummeling her in the face I had second thoughts about my lesson. I wasn’t trying to promote violence against women, but I wanted it to be clear that women can be strong, level-headed creatures that stick up for themselves against wrongdoing.
There’s a saying: Motherhood is not for sissies. Five and a half years and three kids later I could not agree more. The days I brought each of my children into this world were the strongest days of my life. The nights I listened to them crying their tiny hearts out on the bedside monitor because we were trying to get them to sleep through the night or give up their binkies were some of the weakest nights of my life. Hearing them say “mama” for the first time, and later “I love you” and Tyler’s new favorite, “I love you in my heart” nearly brought me to my knees. Visiting the emergency room with my 10 day old daughter who had trouble breathing REALLY brought me to my knees. Any mother who has actually had to deal with real illness or disease deserves the medal of bravery in my book. Watching my 2 older kids walk arm and arm down the hall of their preschool was a heart stopper. Watching my last baby take his first steps was a mixture of pure bliss and utter sadness.
Motherhood is not for sissies. So I picked Sleeping Beauty up off the carpet and punched the alien so hard I sent him sailing out of Tyler’s hand and across the room. Then I marched her over to the dollhouse where I said sweetly, “I sure am tired after beating up that bad guy, do you have a bed I could lay down in?” After all, even strong women need a nap once in a while.
Happy Mother’s Day!
And congratulations to Stacie C, the winner of my latest blog giveaway the Toy Sitter (connect one end to the stroller and the other to a favorite toy and no more lost or dirty toys!)
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