Disposal and Playdoh

There was a morning a few weeks ago where my husband turned on the garbage disposal in the sink and an awful crunching and clanging sound bellowed from the depths of the drain.  I cringed and busied myself making the kids’ breakfasts.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw him reach his hand down and retrieve a mangled spoon, 2 marbles and Little People doll that had been chewed apart by the disposal blades.  “Do you have any idea why these things were in the sink drain?” he asked.  “Hmmm, that’s odd,” I returned nonchalantly.  He wasn’t buying it.  “I mean I guess I can understand the spoon but what the heck are toys doing down there?” he demanded accusingly.   I decided to come clean.  Sometimes I let the kids pull their chairs up and play with their toys in the sink when I just need 15 minutes to finish cooking dinner or feed Gabe a bottle or just hide from the kids for a bit.  Sure it’s messy.  Despite my warnings and safeguards, the kids end up soaked, the counter resembles a small pond, and the kitchen floor under their chairs could be mistaken for a slip’n’slide.  Sure, it’s a little wasteful to have the sink on for a long time (I swear I have it on just slightly more than a trickle).  But those rare 15 minutes of un-interupted time are well worth the expense of running the water and the clean-up in my opinion.  The same can be said for playdoh.  My husband hates the stuff.  Every time I bring the big Tupperware full of playdoh down from its hiding spot (in clear view on top of our kitchen cabinets) he looks as if I’ve brought out a nuclear waste product for the kids to play with.  Sure it’s messy.  Tiny little particles of playdoh quickly make their way from the table to the floor to the bottom of our feet.  Or worse….the same tiny particles go undiscovered until days later when they’ve hardened to a razor-blade sharpness ready to pierce our bare feet.  Once again, that precious time while the kids are busy making playdoh noodles and ice cream and hamburgers trumps the annoying clean-up process afterwards. 

“I’ll be better,” I promised.  “No toys in the sink.”  But then there was that phone call I had to take about my Pilates classes.  And the rainy day where the kids were SO bored.  And the day I had to jump in the shower before rushing off to work.  This morning my husband turned on the disposal and a horrible grinding sound cut through an argument Tyler and Maddy were having about who was going to sit next to me at breakfast.  I slouched down in my chair and hid behind the Cheerios box, knowing I was in trouble.  Now who can loan me a 20 spot for this month’s water bill?!

S.O.B.

Shortness of breath.  It’s a term we use often in the healthcare arena to refer to a plethora of patients with health conditions rendering breathing difficult and laborious.  There is a new category with whom this term can be widely used and that is mothers attempting their first jogs after having a baby.  I’ve never been an elite runner but I do have one marathon under my belt and make the 2.2 mile course around my subdivision a regular part of my exercise routine.  Or made it a routine until the birth of my third child, sweet Gabriel.    With each child it has taken me slightly longer to return to my regular jogs and I’m happy to announce that after 5 months I am finally ready to lace up those running shoes again.  Being a physical therapist I know the importance of a gradual return to activity so I started with a walk/run around my usual path with Gabe (a feather-light 15 pounds in the jogging stroller).  After a  few attempts I was able to make the jog easily without stopping to walk.  The adrenaline rush felt great and did wonders for my ego.  Last weekend I decided to take the two older kids out for a jog so I loaded their combined 60+ pounds in the double jogging stroller and off we set.  As I began the jog I explained to them the importance of exercising regularly.  “Why?” Tyler asked.  Shocking.  “Well buddy, it’s good for your heart,” I said, my breathing growing labored after only a block.  “Why, Mom?” he asked again.  “Well, (huff, huff) when you run (puff, puff) you make (huff, huff) your heart (huff, puff) beat faster (huff, huff, huff) which makes it (huff, huff, puff, puff) stronger.  “What, Mom?” Madelyn asked.  Apparently with all the huffing and puffing she could not hear the answer.  I’ll try another approach.  Deep breath…….”Whenyourunyourheartbeatsfastwhichmakesitstronger” (HUFF,HUFF,HUFF,HUFF!) “What?” they both ask in unison.  “NO MORE TALKING!” I bark out, my heart pounding in my chest, my lungs on fire, my self esteem bruised.  I am two blocks from home.

On The Floor

Jennifer Lopez is getting a lot of press these days with the divorce and all.  It got me thinking about her hit song On the Floor.  I mean, here is a woman who is 42 years old and the mother of 3 year old twins singing about breaking a sweat on the dance floor as she drinks a little more.  Really???  Is this what other mothers  in their 40’s are doing right now?  I think not.  I decided to re-write the lyrics.  My song will still be called On the Floor but it will be referring to the location most of us normal mothers are at risk of collapsing at any moment.
(If the formatting below looks funny visit my actual blog at http://pilatesbycarrie.blogspot.com/)

J LO’s Lyrics                                                             Carrie’s Lyrics 

It’s a new generation                                              It’s a new generation

Of party people                                                       Of Moms and Dads

Let me introduce you to my party people         Let me introduce you to my 3 darling children

In the club…………                                                    Under five……………

If you go hard you gotta get on the floor               If you spill milk you gotta clean up the floor

If you’re a party freak then step on the floor        To be excused you gotta eat a little more

If you’re an animal then tear up the floor             Before you play you gotta do all your chores

Break a sweat on the floor                                    Test me, I’m out the door

Yeah we work on the floor                                     Yeah I’ll walk out that door

Don’t stop keep it moving                                     Non-stop always moving

Put your drinks up                                                  Put your shoes on

Pick your body up and drop it on the floor        Pick your toys up, put em back where they go

Let the rhythm change your world on the floor    Better go pee now or you’ll pee on the floor

You know we’re running sh*t                             We're running late march your
tonight on the floor                                              butts out the door

Brazil, Morocco                                                      Playground, storytime,

London to Ibiza                                                       Preschool to Playdates

Straight to LA, New York                                        Straight to the pool, the doctor

Vegas to Africa                                                      Drive thru to McDonalds

Dance the night away                                           Blink the night is gone

Live your life and stay young on the floor            Wake up, step on a toy left on the floor

Dance the night away                                           Blink the day is gone

Grab somebody drink a little more                  Start the baths, read a book and shut the door

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala                                    Wah,wah,wah,wah,wah,wah,wah,wah,wah

Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor                         Tonight you better stay in your beds!

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala                              Wah,wah,wah,wah,wah,wah,wah,
Tonight we gon' be it on the floor           I'm begging you to STAY IN YOUR BEDS!

I know you got it clap your hands on the floor     Baby’s crying, wants to nurse a little more

And keep rockin, rock it up on the floor                He rocked a deuce, now it leaked on the floor

If you’re a criminal kill it on the floor                    I burped him and he spit up on the floor

Steal it quick on the floor, on the floor                  So much crap on this floor, on this floor

Don’t stop keep it moving                                      Non-stop always moving

Put your drinks up                                                   Wash your hands please

It’s getting ill it’s getting sick on the floor             Or you’ll get ill, you’ll get sick on the floor

We never quit, we never rest on the floor      We get no sleep, never rest when you’re sick

If I ain’t wrong we’ll probably die on the floor       If I ain’t wrong you’ll all three give it to me

Brazil, Morocco                                                       Boogers, and vomit

London to Ibiza                                                        Strep throat to a fever

Straight to LA, New York                                         All from a bug, a germ

Vegas to Africa                                                        A tiny amoeba

Dance the night away                                             Blink the night is gone

Live your life and stay young on the floor              Coffee pot I love you evermore

Dance the night away                                             Blink the day is gone

Grab somebody drink a little more                         Think I’ll join J LO to drink a little more

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala                                      Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala

Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor                           On second thought I think I’ll hit that floor

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala                                       Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala

Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor      Come on honey we gon’ be it on the floor!         

P.S. Congratulations Jaime!  You are the winner of the super cute bracelet (FYI:  I use the online site random.org to select the winners in a totally fair manner).  Jaime's "New Use For An Old Thing" is to use the Bounce dryer sheets as a dust rag to quickly wipe off the dust bunnies on her bedroom furniture.  Clever!  I will make sure you get your prize ASAP!

P.P.S.  My Prenatal Pilates class is full but there is a waiting list.  There are 3 spots left in the Postnatal Pilates class due to start Aug 20th.  Visit http://www.pilatesbycarrie.com/ for more info!